27 Questions (Doez He Luv U?! Shud U Call Him?!?! Teenage Gurlz Only!!!) by Tiffany Denman

1. FULL NAME?

Plain, old, unromantic Anne Shirley. But please call me Cordelia. Anne is such an unromantic name. If you must call me Anne, please call me Anne spelled with an "e" and I shall try to reconcile myself to not being called Cordelia.





2. HAIR COLOR?
RED?! UGLY?!
Mrs. Hammond told me that God made my hair red on purpose and I've never cared for Him since. I thought nothing could be as bad as red hair. Green is ten times worse.



3. WEIGHT?

Terribly skinny and homely.



4. WHAT UR FAVORITE COLOR?

Well, it really isn't worth telling, but if you let me tell you what I imagine about myself you'd find it a lot more interesting.


5. WHO IS UR BEST GF?

Diana Barry—a bosom friend, a really kindred spirit.



6. DO U HAVE A BF?

Ruby Gillis says when she grows up, she wants to have a line of beaus on a string and make them crazy for her. I'd rather have one, in his rightful mind.



7. HOWZ UR LUV LIFE?

I wouldn’t want to marry anybody who was wicked, but I think I’d like it if he could be wicked and wouldn’t.

8. WHATS THE NEXT LIFE THING YOUR LOOKING FORWARD TO?

It would be such a romantic experience nearly to drown.



9. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU STARTED THIS?

Fishing, for lake trout.

10. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE TO THAT YOU DIDN’T WANT TO TALK TO?

Don't you ever imagine things differently from what they are?

11. WHAT DID YOU DREAM ABOUT LAST NIGHT?

Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it.

12.WHAT CHARACTERISTICS DO YOU DISLIKE IN YOURSELF?

I know I chatter on far too much... but if you only knew how many things I want to say and don't. Give me some credit.

13. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE ITEM OF CLOTHING?

Puffed sleeves. The puffiest!



14.WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE DRINK?

Raspberry Cordial.

15. HOW MANY FRIENDS DO YOU HAVE?

The only real friend I ever really had was Katie Maurice and she was only my window friend. 


16. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? 

It is impolite to pass a person without at least nodding, and so I nod out of elementary good breeding, nothing more.


17. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? 
You don't know how utterly wretched I am. 



18. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? 

The Lady of Shallot 



19. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE SOUND?

I'd still prefer the sound of the wind in the firs across the brook more than the tinkling of crystal.

20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN HIT ON BY SOMEONE OLDER THAN YOU?

Gilbert Blythe would stand on his head if I asked him to.

21. HAVE U EVER BEEN WALKED IN ON WHILE CHANGING?

I was imagining I was a nun... On my way to the altar to take the vows...

22. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN TROUBLE WITH THE POLICE?

I do have a habit of chattering on so. Why, if I could imagine myself as a bird, a magpie would probably be the closest thing I could resemble.

23. HAVE YOU BROKE SOMEONE’S HEART?

How would you like to have nasty things said about you? How would you like to hear that you're fat, ugly, and a sour old gossip!



24. HAVE YOU EVER HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN?

My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes. That's a sentence I read once and I say it over to comfort myself in these times that try the soul.

25. HAVE U EVER BEEN BEATEN UP?

No... but I think I've been rendered unconscious.

26. HAVE U EVER BEAT SOMEONE UP?

He called me Carrots!

27. DID YOU LIKE TAKING THIS QUIZ?

Farewell, my beloved friend. Henceforth, we must be strangers living side by side... but my heart will be ever faithful to thee.




Tiffany Denman is a Lecturer at St. Mary's College of California and an Adjunct Professor at a variety of postsecondary institutions (she takes it where she can get it.) She holds a MA in English (Creative Writing-Poetry) from the University of California, Davis. She currently teaches courses in Composition, Poetry--Flarf & Conceptual Writing, Renaissance & 17th-18th Century Thought. She has published poetry in publications including West Wind Review, With+Stand, Berkeley Poetry Review, housefire, among others. She is one author (with Jeanine Webb, Joseph Atkins, and Brian Ang) of the pamphlet Poetry is not/ Enough. She has watched Anne of Green Gables no fewer than 300 times and only recently discovered that her partner went to high school with Schuyler Grant (Diana Barry) and has been withholding that information from her for many years.